I feel as though I should shower
and shower
and shower

I can't remove the crud that attached itself to me while a member of AFF.

My skin is raw
my soul is blank
and my walls are high and thick right now

I have been trying to figure out why I thought I could find someone on that site.

Why did I feel the need to expose myself like that?
What was it that I was hoping to find in between cock pictures and rude comments?
An honest man?
lol
Kindness?
not from the people that were emailing me.
Someone that wanted to be with me because he liked me?
oh, hell no.

I had an automatic response for the last month and a half.

"Seriously?  Do you know what would be asked of you?"

out of 600 emails, one person asked me what I wanted.
1
lol
when I answered
hand holding, beach walking, espresso in the morning, and stars at night
he responded with a picture of his cock.
I should have quit then.
but no, like a crazy person expecting a different result,
I stayed.

I feel like I finally saved myself

C